unLovable
by LoveWithAGirl
Summary: Jade has always known that she is unlovable. Now if only her friends would get on board...


Jade hates a lot of things. She hates ducks (so much!), giggling, carpeting, rainbows, front clasping bras, tuna fish, the color yellow, and so so SO much more. Jade does hate a lot of things, but she doesn't actually hate as many people as others think she does. In all honesty, Jade only hates one person. Sure, she dislikes a lot of people: her own mom and dad, Beck's mom and dad, Trina Vega, Robbie's puppet, Tori Vega (surprise, right?). There's really only one person that Jade truly hates: herself. Jade hates herself, and she doesn't know what to think when people say that they love her. André, who says that he loves Jade like a friend. Cat, who says she loves Jade like a sister. Beck, who says that he loves Jade. Period, end of statement, he's just in love with Jade. Jade doesn't understand how André's loved her like a friend since halfway through freshman year, how Cat's loved her like a sister since the third grade, how Beck (beautiful, sensitive, wonderful Beck) has loved her (period!) since the beginning of freshman year. Because according to Jade, who knows herself best, there is nothing to love.

No matter what André says, just because she's funny and secretly helpful and makes Cat smile so much does not mean she's worthy of a friend's love. No matter what Cat says, being who she wants to be and standing up for her friends and smiling at only her for the longest time does not make her worthy of a sister's love. And no matter what Beck (the boy Jade is in LOVE with) says, her smile and compassion and beauty and strength and her being just her does not make her worthy of a boyfriend's love. Because there is nothing loveable about Jade, and this she can prove.

If she was lovable, her parents wouldn't ignore her or beat her or tell her she's a mistake. If she was lovable, her first boyfriend wouldn't have cheated on her because she wasn't ready for sex. If she was lovable, people wouldn't call her emo and a freak and spread rumors and avoid her like the plague. Jade believes them (and wishes she didn't have to) and knows that she is unlovable and acts accordingly, doing everything in her power to ensure that no one will love her.

But for some reason it won't work on André and Beck and Cat, her ABC's, and then, one day, she gets it. They say that they love her, and people who love you don't lie. And neither André nor Cat nor Beck has ever lied to her. Jade loves André like a friend, Cat like a sister, and Beck like a boyfriend (okay, maybe more), so maybe maybe maybe they all love her back.

And so in the middle of another one of Tori's rants about Jade's "depraved, psycho behavior" (and c'mon, that's pretty damn relative), Jade starts laughing and laughing. Ignoring the stares of their friends seated around them at lunch, Jade stands and walks around the table to Beck, brushing her hand over Cat's and André's shoulders before she reaches her boyfriend.

"Jade? You okay?" Beck asks cautiously and Jade delights in the caution for all the right reasons for once in their relationship. His warm eyes are focused on her alone, completely ignoring Tori and André and Cat and Robbie, and maybe her face doesn't show it, but Jade's heart melts a little bit.

"You love me." It's just a flat statement, probably sounding conceited or bored or selfish, but Beck's eyes light up and he quickly stands to crush Jade against him.

"Finally, you get it." He's whispering in her ear and hugging her fiercely and Jade thinks she hears Cat sniffle a little as André laughs and Robbie and Tori ask what is going on ask what is going on and she doesn't care at all because finally finally finally Jade actually has something that is hers alone. Jade has Beck's love, and no one is taking that away (not even Jade herself). She pulls back enough to pull Beck's mouth against hers, hard and fierce and so completely full of passion and love (God, she can't think that word enough) that her knees actually go a little weak (and she prays no one saw that, and that everyone saw Beck catch her). Because love is dangerous and fierce and strong and crazy but so are BeckandJade, and they're survivors and they will win (while in love).


End file.
